13.12.2017 — Toxic People

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There’s people in this world so full of pain, their aura emanates venom into their environment, like a pulsar. Poor sods from the ghettos especially, are so traumatized, there’s no saving them from a lifetime of chaos. They are violent, addicted to drugs, sex, trapped in a life of madness. I’m not hiring ghetto kids anymore, after all the drama my little business has suffered. I am not supporting anyone from a poor background again. These people’s darkness has infested my life, it’s made me a dark, unhappy, terrible human being.

I have this gift, that when I spend enough time with someone, I start hearing their thoughts. I’ve met some folks whose silence literally screams at me. I feel abused in body, and soul, just by their presence.

I’ve always been highly empathetic. It’s kind of a flaw, that I have trouble keeping distance, which is why my social circles have always been small. I want only the deepest of connections, which sadly filters out a lot of otherwise great men and women, who just cannot vibrate on my level.

I remember vividly this girl in high school, whom I only shared 10 minutes together. We talked during recess, it was the only time we talked. She was artistic, intelligent, a peculiar personality. But after class started, a sickening dark weight dropped into my stomach, and the feeling lasted for literally half an hour. I’ve never felt so disgusted in my life. I never spoke to that girl after that, because something about them had set off warning bells in every cell in my body.

I wish my blogs could emanate more positive feelings. There’s always this miasma of anxiety in me. It’s really sad. I’m hopeful that now that I’m dropping several toxic people from my life, my joy will return.

Thanks for reading. Happy fapping! -OA

12.12.2017 — Good Bye Sinnercomics

I’m concluding my support of Sinnercomics this December. The last three months were a good run, but way too taxing on multiple levels. It was a good test, and I’m taking all that information into future ventures. The final day of December is the final day of our co-operation.

Several events happened that led to the sudden end of our 3-month contract. Bitcoin is growing way too fast, it makes no sense to buy ad space, that produces slowly yielding Nutaku customers. There was also the Black Friday drama, the new site layout change, and disagreements about refunds.

Some things are not meant to be.

10.12.2017 — Rampant Abuse In The Hentai Industry Is Demonic

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It seems that every company in the hentai scene is led by a psychopathic person. The stories of abuse I hear from my contacts, plus the experiences I have as a victim of abuse, are alarmingly abundant. I’m only now putting two and two together, after a recent drama with a freelance writer.

There’s something about hentai that attracts the bottom feeders of society. I’m in that caste too, having not had social skills until recent years. I dwelled in addictions, and had problems with my health. Now that I’m an employer, my decades of darkness sometimes slips out. I now identify that the pain I’ve suffered is present in every choice I make.

I abused one of my writers and it caused them to quit. I wasn’t even thinking before the swear words rolled off my tongue.

Just what are we doing to this industry? Are we possessed by demons? Why are we treating each other like crap? Why am I so obsessed with doing business with this psychopathic person, even when their presence desensitizes me to abusing my other partners? Why do I keep doing things that get my social medias banned? Why do I consume, and create content that is rife with abusive language and themes?

I’ve been massively unhappy despite doing better in almost every aspect of my life. I know my unhappiness is caused by circumstances, like the challenges of the work, and the escalating corporate censorship of social media platforms. But I’m also making so many self-destructive choices, like I’m actually looking to sabotage my career growth. Why?

For two years now, my head has been hurting from morning to night, making it sometimes impossible to feel any emotion. People have told me, my personality switches radically. If I’m depressed, I act cold, and rational. If I’m angry, there’s no limits to what I’ll say. It’s like real possession, with a dark spirit taking over my mind, and body.

I recorded short clips of my speech in 2016, to an old recorder. I even uploaded them to Youtube, for god knows what reason. I stopped making those recordings after a particularly disturbing rant about power, money, and taking over the world, or whatever. I listened to that recording while outside of the state of mind I was in while raving. It was a different person.

My self-destructive behavior has everything to do with my past. My visits to hookers, the manic rants, my insane risk-taking, business relationships with psychopaths, my choice of career, my aggressive marketing strategies, my abusive behavior towards my partners, are choices made by the other person living inside of me. The demon wants to devour.

Something has to change. I’m getting older, I need to be making consistent choices, to build a life that doesn’t suck. But without outlets for my rage, is there any hope for that? I have violence inside of me, that wants to flood the streets with blood.

5.12.2017 — Hentai Solitaire Update — Dominatrix??!

Jberserk is almost, almost, ALMOST finished with designing all the cards for hentai solitaire! This lovely dominatrix lady is a professional at her work. She’s so dedicated, her diet and exercise schedule are designed to maximize her thiccness.

We have a pinball game coming soon that’s slated to feature the “hentai solitaire” girls. My partner in that project is working hard on the code.

2.12.2017 — Hentai Solitaire Update With Bonus Burnout Rant

Jberserk is almost finished designing the characters for “Hentai Solitare”, the 52+ deck of classic playing cards with juicy hentai girls. We only need 12 more girls, and then we’re left to wait another 3 months for Crisisbeat to finish the coloring.

I’m used to hardships. Just when I was going to bed, my parents started setting up my new laptop. I can’t even describe the hassle. The clusterfuck started when my dad tried to install an anti-virus program. It took us an hour, or more, I lost count of time. The incredible clusterfuck of unfathomable complications was solved with a call to customer service of my email provider, to recover the password for an email started 20 years ago, which was registered under my mother’s name. You’d think that would be it, but I also had to reboot my browser before the new password actually worked.

My parents were frustrated at such a simple matter as installing an anti-virus become a real-life puzzle game. Me, I was emotionally flatlined throughout the ordeal despite the fact that I had been up for 12+ hours, ready to crash into sleep. It seems that for everyone else around me that’s not an entrepreneur, these slews of complications are something to get bitchy about. For me, that’s life. Every day I am fighting to keep my ship from sinking, and despite best efforts, I always miss a hole somewhere, and everything comes crashing down. At this point, I’m fully accepting of the fact that I’ll be over 30 years old, before I can afford to move from home. I will be rich, famous, and powerful, but it’s gonna take decades when my progress keeps getting reset. But we all die anyway, so what does it matter?

My jimmies are very, very, rustled.

1.12.2017 — Rambling Update On My Homosexual Feelings

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The past three months swept by, like they never existed. My energy was fully focused on Sinnercomics, while I raised up Hentaireviews at the same time.

This recent week, my days have consisted of Pokémon X on my 3DS, and sleeping. Writing reviews is a chore, and I’m finding myself getting lost just flipping through my favorite websites. I’m barely working any hours. If my business model wasn’t based on passive revenue, I’d feel cranky right now. But money keeps rolling in, even as I linger between life and death.

I can only recommend building passive revenue sources. When you get tired, and just wanna flop over and die, passive rev is a relief. But I know you fags visiting my site are too communist to even sign up for ad networks, let alone manage your own websites. “What if nobody visits??” Yeah, barely anybody visits my sites either, and I make a livable wage on this. You don’t need much to make good money online lest you’re a fucking retard.

Patience. The one virtue that young generations lack, is patience. Lots of things are just a numbers game: do something for enough many hours, eventually you’re so good at what you do, your execution is pristine even when you’re drunk. I’ve hustled for 3 years non-stop. Now I make cash even when I don’t do shit. It’s only getting better from here…

In all honesty, I feel like killing myself. I’m a mentally ill bisexual who’s oppressed in his socialist shit hole country for his rightwing political views. Give me money. Donate to my Gofundme campaign.

30.11.2017 — Hentai Solitaire even more cards…

hentai solitaire farmer hentai solitaire soldierhentai solitaire some martial artist hentai solitaire some samurai

I’ve been sluggish with updating this blog for the past few months. Was very busy with the Sinnercomics advertising campaign. It was rough, but successful. But here, enjoy these tastes of our upcoming card game. It’s not even all the art we’ve completed. Find the rest at www.otakusexart.com.

Share the art, tell your friends this project is happening.

OTAKU APOLOGIST IS OFFICIALLY DONE WITH TWITTER!!

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Amazing. I started a new twitter, and it was banned immediately, because I copy-pasted the same tags into… three tweets.

I am done with twitter. They’re not cool anymore. You can follow me on my Gab account. Gab is full of redpillers and alt-righters who have been banned. It’s a nest of cancer, if you hate their opinions. PLEASE FOLLOW!

29.11.2017 — Self-reflecting on my emo bullshit

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I’ve been conducting some self-reflecting today. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am absolute cancer. I contribute nothing of value to society, and the day I die, it won’t be a day long remembered.

Everything I have done for the past few years in my business, is the most self-destructive shit. In fact, this obsession with self-sabotage is at the core of who I am online.

Issue is, when I work long hours, my mind goes completely haywire. All my emotional traumas from decades back mess up my head. I’ve managed with this disability by developing a style of online advertising, that takes advantage of my psychotic states of mind.

This does not change the fact that I am a hateful, toxic bastard who sows seeds of destruction around him. I am a cancerous fuck that deserves to be euthanized in a fire.

Kill yourself. Thank you.

29.11.2017 — Depressed Moods About Social Justice Censorship Bullshit

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When you find yourself feeling depressed, it’s seldom one thing that’s causing it. Depression is like a web, of many threads. The longer the circumstances continue that are causing you grief, the more threads you entangle yourself in. They turn invisible, when there are so many, that you start forgetting them.

Running from your problems makes the web become tighter, and tighter, and tighter. You sink into your shit. In order to untangle yourself, you need to list your problems, and think solutions to them. Focus on one issue at a time, find a solution that works, move on to the next problem.

Because I’ve been depressed my entire adult life, I know intimately how this works. I’m intellectually above it. I know that, right now, I’m facing a stack of hardships in my personal and professional life, that contribute to my sour mood. My career is stagnant, and I’m burnt out from a lack of hobbies, and social life. I wanted to push my career forward, which sure happened, but not without setbacks.

The last three months I experienced a very sudden growth of my income. My income is finally getting good, thanks to Bitcoin, Nutaku, and my sextoy store all continuing to grow. I have new staff, better than all my previous guys. But my social medias are not growing, I have no presence on any online forums, I’m fighting to gain new customers, while struggling to keep old customers visiting my websites.

I’m planning to abandon twitter, and tumblr. I don’t have a Facebook anymore, and never got into Youtube. I can gain much better traction posting my content on to platforms that are more welcoming of my racist white supremacy. I can post my art to Pixiv, post my reviews to Steemit, and so forth. I need to organize my new staff better this time around. The challenge is that artists especially are bad at giving fucks about Skype, and other social shit. There may be solutions to that, ie. making a paper list of names, emails, and paypals. On the writing side of things, I can probably pick one of my better writers, and train them into a decent editor, to help on comics, and editing reviews. That would solve the issue of my current sluggish content output.

Fuck this. I’m playing more Pokemon.