I’m concluding my support of Sinnercomics this December. The last three months were a good run, but way too taxing on multiple levels. It was a good test, and I’m taking all that information into future ventures. The final day of December is the final day of our co-operation.
Several events happened that led to the sudden end of our 3-month contract. Bitcoin is growing way too fast, it makes no sense to buy ad space, that produces slowly yielding Nutaku customers. There was also the Black Friday drama, the new site layout change, and disagreements about refunds.
Some things are not meant to be.
It seems that every company in the hentai scene is led by a psychopathic person. The stories of abuse I hear from my contacts, plus the experiences I have as a victim of abuse, are alarmingly abundant. I’m only now putting two and two together, after a recent drama with a freelance writer.
There’s something about hentai that attracts the bottom feeders of society. I’m in that caste too, having not had social skills until recent years. I dwelled in addictions, and had problems with my health. Now that I’m an employer, my decades of darkness sometimes slips out. I now identify that the pain I’ve suffered is present in every choice I make.
I abused one of my writers and it caused them to quit. I wasn’t even thinking before the swear words rolled off my tongue.
Just what are we doing to this industry? Are we possessed by demons? Why are we treating each other like crap? Why am I so obsessed with doing business with this psychopathic person, even when their presence desensitizes me to abusing my other partners? Why do I keep doing things that get my social medias banned? Why do I consume, and create content that is rife with abusive language and themes?
I’ve been massively unhappy despite doing better in almost every aspect of my life. I know my unhappiness is caused by circumstances, like the challenges of the work, and the escalating corporate censorship of social media platforms. But I’m also making so many self-destructive choices, like I’m actually looking to sabotage my career growth. Why?
For two years now, my head has been hurting from morning to night, making it sometimes impossible to feel any emotion. People have told me, my personality switches radically. If I’m depressed, I act cold, and rational. If I’m angry, there’s no limits to what I’ll say. It’s like real possession, with a dark spirit taking over my mind, and body.
I recorded short clips of my speech in 2016, to an old recorder. I even uploaded them to Youtube, for god knows what reason. I stopped making those recordings after a particularly disturbing rant about power, money, and taking over the world, or whatever. I listened to that recording while outside of the state of mind I was in while raving. It was a different person.
My self-destructive behavior has everything to do with my past. My visits to hookers, the manic rants, my insane risk-taking, business relationships with psychopaths, my choice of career, my aggressive marketing strategies, my abusive behavior towards my partners, are choices made by the other person living inside of me. The demon wants to devour.
Something has to change. I’m getting older, I need to be making consistent choices, to build a life that doesn’t suck. But without outlets for my rage, is there any hope for that? I have violence inside of me, that wants to flood the streets with blood.